Grace Every Monday: Liz Curtis Higgs

You can't wait until the other person says something you agree with. You simply agree to love, and then go from there.

That's Liz Curtis Higgs. And after a single conversation with her, you understand why the peace flows through her instead of stopping at her.

Liz has been a public communicator for more than 40 years. She's spoken at over 1,800 conferences across all 50 states and 15 countries. She's written 37 books with 4.6 million copies in print. She hosts Grace Every Monday live on Facebook. Her tagline is simple: "An Encourager."

We sat down with Liz to talk about what four decades of encouraging people has taught her about making peace. What we got was warm, funny, and more honest than we expected.

An Encourager Not an Influencer

We called Liz "the original influencer." She wasn't having it.

"That's more of a recent term," she said. "It is nothing I would ever have embraced, because it is not my goal to influence people, particularly not to buy things."

An encourager is closer to the mark. "I offer, I hope, good news. And then what you do with it is between you and the good news giver. But my joy, my delight, is just to encourage people. To lift them up."

It's a small distinction, but it says something about peacemaking too. An influencer wants to move you toward a purchase, a position, a side. An encourager just wants to hand you something good and let you decide what to do with it. One is about getting. The other is about giving.

The Single Most Important Ingredient

Ask Liz what she's up to now that she's retired from writing and traveling, and she'll tell you about the garden club, the Jane Austen Society, the choir, the book club. But the thing that matters most is quieter.

She meets one-on-one with seven different women, some weekly, some biweekly, ninety minutes at a time, in her home. Different ages, forty to eighty. Different stories. Different places in life. But all of them, she says, longing for more peace.

"My new thing is God is teaching me to listen," she told us. "Which I can tell you is probably the single most important ingredient of peacemaking there is."

Forty years of being paid to talk, and the lesson at the end of it is to listen. That's worth sitting with.

Abigail: Good Food and Good Words Encourager

When we asked Liz how everyday people can be better peacemakers, she reached for a story, Abigail, from the Bible.

Abigail's husband was wealthy but surly, and he insulted the wrong people. Disaster was hanging over the whole household. So Abigail acted. She prepared food and a speech "full of humility and wisdom," rode out to meet the men coming for her family, and defused the whole thing.

"Two things a peacemaker has to be," Liz said. "Humble and wise."

But the detail Liz loved most was the food. "She offered good food and good words, which, my friends, is a fantastic way to do things. Food says, I greet you, I welcome you — followed by good words. That's peacemaking."

Then, characteristically, she let the rest of us off the hook: "If you're not a cook, I am not a cook. I've never been a cook." Peacemaking isn't about the perfect meal. It's about the welcome.

The Day the Comments Blew Up

A little over a year ago, Liz posted a happy moment on her personal Facebook page. Some people read it as political. The comments came fast "bam, bam, bam, bam," as she put it for a very long day.

And she waited.

"When people attack you, you have to decide what matters most here. What is the end result that we want? And a peacemaker says, let me just wait. Let me wait and let these words rest in my heart."

When she finally responded, it went like this: "To those of you who rose to my defense, I love you. You are my sisters in Christ. To those who expressed disappointment, even anger, I love you. You are my sisters in Christ."

The first line was easy to write, she admitted. The second one she prayed about. "How do I feel about the other women who didn't defend me? Well, the same. I love them. We may not agree, but that doesn't change anything."

Here's the part that makes it peacemaking and not just niceness: Liz doesn't need the other person to come around. "It can't be that this won't be resolved until they agree with me. Friends, that's not peacemaking. Getting other people to agree with you is not peacemaking. Extending peace that is extending a hand, and hopefully they'll clasp it, even if they don't fully agree."

Peacekeeper or Peacemaker

Liz drew a line we keep coming back to.

A peacekeeper makes sure the peace that's already there continues. A peacemaker is "just a tiny bit more bold — they take the step, the leap of faith, and they extend peace, not worrying about whether the response is going to be peace in return."

"I wouldn't say I'm a great peacekeeper," she said, "but I am learning to be a peacemaker."

That's the whole thing, isn't it? Peacemaking is chancy. It's risky. Sometimes people don't want peace — they'd rather argue. But extending it anyway, without a guarantee of what comes back, is the move.

Tips for Becoming a Peacemaker

Liz being Liz, she couldn't give us just one. Here are hers:

• Think before you speak. "I don't count to ten, but I do take a breath." The first thing out of our mouths usually comes from our feelings being hurt. Give it a beat.

• Surround yourself with peacemakers. Liz married one — her husband Bill, the man everyone wants on their committee, because he asks, "What's the most wholesome, healing thing that can happen here?" Choose friends who choose peace.

• Fill your mind with the words of peacemakers. She keeps Eleanor Roosevelt close: "It isn't enough to talk about peace. One must believe in it. And it isn't enough to believe in it. One must work at it."

• Start close to home. Her favorite line came from Madeleine L'Engle: "If there is to be any peace, we have to create it in our own hearts and homes." That can sound small. It isn't. "That is your place of power. That is where we begin our own hearts and our own families."

Agree to Love

We'll leave you where Liz left us.

"On important matters, we really struggle to get on the same page. But if peace is our goal, we're going to get a lot closer. The peace flows through us. You can't wait till the other person says something that you agree with. You simply agree to love, and then go from there."

Agree to love. Then go from there. Because All PEACEMAKERS ARE NEEDED.

Find Liz Curtis Higgs on Grace Every Monday, her live encouragement series on Facebook, where she takes one verse and one idea and makes it something you can use that same week. You can also visit her at lizcurtishiggs.com. And consider her invitation: don't wait for the other person to come around. Agree to love, and go from there.

The All Peacemakers Needed video series features conversations between everyday people exploring the practice of peacemaking. New episodes are released regularly.

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