Peacemaking Resources
Know Your Biases
Here are a few biases to consider on your peacemaking journey.
Confirmation bias — We notice what fits what we already believe and skim past the rest, so every conversation seems to prove us right.
Move: Go looking for the strongest version of the other side's point, not the weakest.
Identity and group bias — We sort people into "us" and "them," handing trust to our group and suspicion to the rest. And because we tie our sense of self to the group, a challenge to the idea can feel like an attack on us.
Move: Rename the person - a neighbor, a coworker, someone's parent and separate the idea from your identity so you can weigh it without feeling threatened.
Emotional bias — When we're angry, afraid, or hurt, we read the worst intent into what someone said and treat that feeling as fact.
Move: Name the feeling before you act on it, and wait for the heat to drop before you decide what they meant.
See the Person, Not the Position
When conflict escalates, remember these practices.
Pause when you feel conflict spiraling
Ask yourself: Have I reduced this person to a position?
Shift from "winning" to understanding
Work on yourself first. What can you change?
Listen with genuine curiosity, not judgment
Be open to learning from others
Remember the complete person
Phrases in your pocket
When conflicts arise, think of these actions and phrases.
Actions
Stay calm
Avoid "Why" questions.
Use open body language.
Focus on the problem.
Listen.
Find common ground.
Phrases
From my experience....
Another perspective on this...
Please explain more...
I think this is more complex...
Hmm, I see it a little differently....
Dignity Index
The Dignity Index scores distinct phrases along an eight-point scale from contempt to dignity. Lower scores (1-4) reflect divisive language while higher scores (5-8) reflect language grounded in dignity.
Lead with Compassion
Seek to understand one another.
Listen generously. Not to fix or debate, but to witness.
Refuse to reduce others to their worst moments.
Assume complexity. People are rarely only what they seem.
Hold boundaries kindly.
Offer grace freely. Others are learning, just as you are.
De-escalate Hard Conversations
Avoid escalating
Recognize own response
Step away if needed (but come back!)
Listen to understand
Avoid harmful phrases
Power of understatement
